Tag: psychology

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu massage. I stepped out of this experience all calm, peaceful and ‘floaty’ into the middle of little Bourke Street.  I then instantly came face to face with all these people with serious looks on their faces striding around really purposefully.  They were going to the opposite way to me, I had no idea where I was heading in that moment and was totally okay with that.

Lets extend this metaphor to life.  How many of us fill up our days with busy work and things that seem important? How many of us just get way too serious? Or way too weighed down with things? What do we do to make ourselves lighter? How do we help ourselves laugh?  Do we really need to be accountable for every single minute of our lives?

What about if we just wander for a bit…Remember how as a teenager you used to day dream? How you felt such joy in just being alive? we can lose that in adulthood with all our responsibilities..

I think its okay to not always have a plan. Sometimes we do need to just float for a bit and be open to new experiences and see where life takes us….This is where some of the most beautiful fruits of life will  be. So lets open up to a bit more spontaneity and enjoy the rewards it brings.

Love Honor xx

Do you tend to repress your feelings, dreams and needs?

Because we are conditioned to put everyone else first, struggle to speak up for ourselves, repress our feelings and feel generally unworthy, it can be really difficult to listen to our own feelings dreams and needs. However, unless we have the courage to try new things and reach for our dreams we will always feel stuck.   We need to learn how to unlock that passionate energy that we all have so that we can feel truly alive.

Self-awareness is a vital element we need if we want to make a change in ourselves because if we are aware of the way we are then we have to power to adapt.   Self-awareness is about being tuned into what is going on within our body, mind and soul.  This may take practice if you are not used to it.  But that is okay.  To be self-aware we need to create space to reflect and tune into ourselves.  This can either be done by physically taking time out such as going to a quiet place to think, or by shifting our focus inward for a few moments in the middle of what we are normally doing.

So I want you to dig deep and ask yourself – what is that thing that really gets me feeling alive? What is the thing, or things that get me feeling really excited and perhaps a little bit intimidated? (cos you know often the thing we really want is a little bit scary to go for, excitement and fear often go hand in hand – I think it is because we really CARE about the things we are deeply passionate about). Then once you have found one or more things , can you think of one tiny action step that you can take to move towards that thing?

I help women to trace the roots of where low self- esteem developed to help them separate these events from their true worth which helps them build confidence. I also assist them in dropping their mask so they can be authentic in all situations.

Love Honor xx

P.S If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

P.P.S I hope you have found this helpful and I ‘d love to talk to you further about these things and you’re your feedback on what you thought. Please leave a comment or send me a message with constructive feedback. Alternatively if you’d like me to phone you to chat further please send me your name, phone no and email to: Honor@honornewman.com

Do you believe you are not good enough in life?

Women often believe they are not good enough

This little nasty belief lies at the centre of everything – I’m not good enough. This belief creates nearly every single symptom of distress women experience.  It is as if we in the West, despite all our material luxuries , are experiencing a low self -esteem epidemic.   So many of our symptoms, unhelpful behaviours and self sabotages stem from this one simple belief.

There are so many influences and assaults on our self -concept – the parenting we experienced, the educators we are exposed to, the media, our gender role, our culture…these all send powerful and often subliminal messages to our emerging self -concept from a very early age and continue quite relentlessly well into our lives without us quite realizing the full impact on us until we wake up one day feeling like there is something missing. Or everything just turns to shit and we don’t know why, or we just keep stuffing everything up.

So how might this low self -esteem show up in day to day life? I’ll give you an example:

Misty wakes up to the sound of her alarm blaring. Her first thought is – oh I don’t want to face another day of work bleugh…She reluctantly gets up and starts what she feels is the daily ‘grind’. At work she whinges with other colleagues about how it sucks that it is Monday.  All day at work she’s clock watching for 5pm when she can get out. But once she’s out there’s not much joy either, nothing to look forward to really, just a brief interlude before she’s back at work the next day.

How many people do you know operate like this?  To me it is tragic. What about if when Misty opened her eyes, she felt excited and inspired by another new day and couldn’t wait to get started on her new projects?  Because she’d cared about herself enough to follow her passions and give them an outlet. Rather than staying in a job she hates and feeling like every day is a chore.

This is just one of many examples of how this core belief can filter down and impact our life on a practical level making it feel dull and lifeless.

The good news is, if we can change this belief within ourselves we can create massive amounts of change in our lives. Could you take one micro-action – say to stand in front of the mirror every day and say to your reflection: I am enough. And just see how your life changes…

Love Honor xx

Illusions in life

I’ve come to realize lately that there are a lot of illusions in life. The illusion that security can be found in relationships and jobs etc. and that we can protect ourselves from pain through living a comfortable life with a steady job and a long term partnership. Even if we live comfortably, underneath this comfort, there may be dissatisfaction with the lack of passion.  Or some life event may hit us out of left field and blow all our ‘security’ apart – something like a breakup, an illness or death etc.   Or things simply change and they don’t fit together well any more.

The only real way to live is passionately and wholeheartedly, and humbly and a lot of the times more vulnerably than we may comfortably like to.   And sometimes things are so frickin’ painful it is unbearable and we don’t know how we will ever get up again.  And it is this feeling we try to avoid, but in reality we really can’t. It is true though that life can feel so incredible at times and at others it feels too painful for us to handle.  But I think the truth is – that LIFE. That is the reality underneath all the illusions. Don’t you just wish someone had told you that right from the start? How huge the highs and lows of it all can be? Don’t you wish someone had just told you the TRUTH!!

So as a psychologist I can tell you how to cope better with lows but at some point it is up to you to understand this and find your own way through it because no matter how well you function psychologically there is pain in life. There are also and anxiety and fears.  These are realities we can’t avoid.  And no one can really, truly tell you how to cope. You have to find your own way.

This brings me to the concept of control – we all love to feel in control but the reality is we can’t always be. There are a lot of situations where we don’t have nearly as much as we would like and it can be a real challenge to sit with this.  However if we can there is real beauty in that.  It opens us up to the spontaneity of life and the sense of adventure about the possibilities that can open up to us.

 

The top 6 obstacles that keep women stuck in a rut

Did you know that there are a few really common mistakes women make in terms of thinking and behaviours that really keep them stuck and get in the way of their happiness in life? As a psychologist that works predominantly with women I see the same issues arising again and again. So here I am going to tell you the top 6 mistakes women make with regards to their psychology.

Read more

The Confident, Calm and Connected Woman

When you enter therapy you might feel miserable, desperate and alone.  There may be a sense of failure that you have to do this. But you are in for a pleasant surprise, because although the journey through won’t be smooth sailing, the benefits you will experience will be incredible. Not only will you feel so much better about everything in your life and within yourself, you will learn so much! And this learning is something you can use to help others for the rest of your life.  You will be able to connect to others in a way that you couldn’t before because of how you have changed and what you have learned.  Instead of being stressed and anxious so much of the time, you will feel at peace with things and confident to take the steps forward and to do the things you want to do in your life.  Also if you see the process through to completion it is unlikely you will need medication such as anti-depressants or Valium.  You’ll be able to live a drug free life which is so much better for your body.

citypsychologist, honor

My aim this year is not to lose weight so much as lose my issues with weight…..

My aim this year is not to lose weight so much as lose my issues with weight because being on the yo- yo diet mill for most of my life frankly I’m sick of it. I’ve thought about it a lot, and yes I have done hypnotherapy, more than once and I don’t know why, but it didn’t work on me, anyway, I think the solution is really the same as it is for most things – Have your ever noticed that the more you chase something the more it runs away? And it is only when you loosen your grip on it and care that little bit less that it starts coming your way? Ever tried to get rid of a some-one you weren’t interested in? Alternatively, were you ever so desperate to be with someone you became completely clingy and turned them off?

Read more

Honor holding book

Why are so many women perfectionists these days?

I had been craving for quite a few years to leave my privileged, fast-paced, inner city lifestyle and make a tree change to the Dandenong ranges. I liked the relaxed hippy vibe and thought it would be a good place to raise kids.  What happened when I actually made the move was that I met a group of women that changed my life forever.  Not in the, “I’ll give you a makeover so good you won’t recognise yourself” kind of way but in a much deeper spiritual way.  Sure I’d dabbled in Buddhism for a few years but these women didn’t teach me about this, they taught me what it really meant to be “feminine”.  And no, it has nothing to do with pink, frills, giggling and hair flicking or letting a man pay and all to do with understanding the beautiful strengths and qualities of the feminine nature.

Read more

Are you following your own path, or doing what you ‘should’ do?

I have written about this before but I feel it is such an important topic I want to write about it again. The gap between …

‘Life is (often) what happens when you are making other plans’ What life is vs what we expect

Has your life turned out exactly as you expected or close to? If yes, are you happy with that? Or has life thrown you curve …

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu …