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Illusions in life

I’ve come to realize lately that there are a lot of illusions in life. The illusion that security can be found in relationships and jobs etc. and that we can protect ourselves from pain through living a comfortable life with a steady job and a long term partnership. Even if we live comfortably, underneath this comfort, there may be dissatisfaction with the lack of passion.  Or some life event may hit us out of left field and blow all our ‘security’ apart – something like a breakup, an illness or death etc.   Or things simply change and they don’t fit together well any more.

The only real way to live is passionately and wholeheartedly, and humbly and a lot of the times more vulnerably than we may comfortably like to.   And sometimes things are so frickin’ painful it is unbearable and we don’t know how we will ever get up again.  And it is this feeling we try to avoid, but in reality we really can’t. It is true though that life can feel so incredible at times and at others it feels too painful for us to handle.  But I think the truth is – that LIFE. That is the reality underneath all the illusions. Don’t you just wish someone had told you that right from the start? How huge the highs and lows of it all can be? Don’t you wish someone had just told you the TRUTH!!

So as a psychologist I can tell you how to cope better with lows but at some point it is up to you to understand this and find your own way through it because no matter how well you function psychologically there is pain in life. There are also and anxiety and fears.  These are realities we can’t avoid.  And no one can really, truly tell you how to cope. You have to find your own way.

This brings me to the concept of control – we all love to feel in control but the reality is we can’t always be. There are a lot of situations where we don’t have nearly as much as we would like and it can be a real challenge to sit with this.  However if we can there is real beauty in that.  It opens us up to the spontaneity of life and the sense of adventure about the possibilities that can open up to us.

 

An article about passion, sex and vulnerability

Passion:

I’ve been thinking a lot about passion lately. It all started when I went to this business training seminar that was designed to help participants unlock their inner magic and communicate that with the world. Well for me it really worked. By going through the processes I felt more aligned with my destiny than ever before.  It was like a light bulb had been turned on inside my whole body and I was on fire. I thought wow! This is what people are missing out on in when they trudge away at the grind.  That’s really sad.  This passionate energy that was unlocked I have to admit was fairly overwhelming because it was so strong.

Honestly I did not really know how to cope with it and realized it’s not really something any one talks about.   I was lucky enough to have some great conversations with people about it and they felt inspired by my honestly and vulnerability in opening up to them about it. The thing about passion is that it is also sexual energy and that’s where all the taboos still are. It is funny that even in this day and age there as still so many of us that aren’t open about sex. I feel society has such strict proscriptions about how we should express this energy and to veer from this engages extremely harsh judgement which makes it so difficult for people to be honest about what they are experiencing or struggling with sexually.  So if we can’t talk about sex how do we talk about passion? And fulfillment? And reaching our destiny? As I believe they are interlinked.What I realized was that what I was experiencing was purely and simply the life-force.  Which kinda seems to me to be what everyone should be experiencing if we are truly living?

Vulnerability

Why are we so afraid to be vulnerable with others when that is where true connection lies as we show our real humanity?  Why do we all wear the mask? To stop being hurt? But when does the mask change from being a protector to a self- made prison? We need to take it off sometimes to experience intimacy with others.

I know I have a wild self; it’s a part of me that needs to run naked through the forest and howl at the moon sometimes. It can be hard to give that part of me an outlet in this clinical, technological culture.  We all have that part of ourselves whether we realize it or not.  Once we tap into it we tap into an incredible power within ourselves which can feel overwhelming as we are not taught how to handle it or channel it.  We are all fundamentally animals with deep and primal parts to ourselves. It needs positive outlets which I think will be unique to each person.

What about you? Are you in touch with your wild, passionate self? Or would you like to be? Let me know you’re thoughts…email me on honor@honornewman.com and we can have chat.

 

The top 6 obstacles that keep women stuck in a rut

Did you know that there are a few really common mistakes women make in terms of thinking and behaviours that really keep them stuck and get in the way of their happiness in life? As a psychologist that works predominantly with women I see the same issues arising again and again. So here I am going to tell you the top 6 mistakes women make with regards to their psychology.

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Are you an Earth Mother?

Parenting can be a wonderful yet sometimes challenging experience.  Some mothers tell me that it turned out to be a lot harder than they expected.  A lot of women are afraid to admit they are struggling for fear of being judged as a bad mother (myself included!).  I think a lot of us believe we have to parent or live our lives in a set way and feel under a lot of pressure if that way doesn’t work for us.   The truth is there is no set way. Each woman’s path is completely unique and the right way to parent and live is the one that suits her and her family. For example, I have felt a lot of pressure to be at home more than I would actually like to be, and yes I have been judged by people with certain values that that is uncaring. And although a part of me worries that that may be true I also know that if I don’t work or have creative outlets outside the home I become very frustrated and then this grumpiness is not good for anyone. Better to be around a little bit less and be bright than a wet mop all the time. Yes I miss my kids when I am away, and they (usually) miss me, but this reminds us how much we love each other. I like to fill up my cup and then come home and spend positive time together. My favourite way to connect with my children is over dinner. It’s a great time to have a good ‘ol laugh and a chat and I make sure I’m home for that at least 5 nights a week. In my work I like to collaborate with women who are feeling stuck to create the right family lifestyle and parenting strategies that work for them. We love our kids and some of us will be earthmothers and some will not be, some of us will always been career women at heart – as long as we live and love with passion and positivity most of the time we will be an amazing role models to our little ones. ~Honor

Illusions in life

I’ve come to realize lately that there are a lot of illusions in life. The illusion that security can be found in relationships …