I’ve come to realize lately that there are a lot of illusions in life. The illusion that security can be found in relationships and jobs etc. and that we can protect ourselves from pain through living a comfortable life with a steady job and a long term partnership. Even if we live comfortably, underneath this comfort, there may be dissatisfaction with the lack of passion. Or some life event may hit us out of left field and blow all our ‘security’ apart – something like a breakup, an illness or death etc. Or things simply change and they don’t fit together well any more.
The only real way to live is passionately and wholeheartedly, and humbly and a lot of the times more vulnerably than we may comfortably like to. And sometimes things are so frickin’ painful it is unbearable and we don’t know how we will ever get up again. And it is this feeling we try to avoid, but in reality we really can’t. It is true though that life can feel so incredible at times and at others it feels too painful for us to handle. But I think the truth is – that LIFE. That is the reality underneath all the illusions. Don’t you just wish someone had told you that right from the start? How huge the highs and lows of it all can be? Don’t you wish someone had just told you the TRUTH!!
So as a psychologist I can tell you how to cope better with lows but at some point it is up to you to understand this and find your own way through it because no matter how well you function psychologically there is pain in life. There are also and anxiety and fears. These are realities we can’t avoid. And no one can really, truly tell you how to cope. You have to find your own way.
This brings me to the concept of control – we all love to feel in control but the reality is we can’t always be. There are a lot of situations where we don’t have nearly as much as we would like and it can be a real challenge to sit with this. However if we can there is real beauty in that. It opens us up to the spontaneity of life and the sense of adventure about the possibilities that can open up to us.