Category: Self-improvement

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu massage. I stepped out of this experience all calm, peaceful and ‘floaty’ into the middle of little Bourke Street.  I then instantly came face to face with all these people with serious looks on their faces striding around really purposefully.  They were going to the opposite way to me, I had no idea where I was heading in that moment and was totally okay with that.

Lets extend this metaphor to life.  How many of us fill up our days with busy work and things that seem important? How many of us just get way too serious? Or way too weighed down with things? What do we do to make ourselves lighter? How do we help ourselves laugh?  Do we really need to be accountable for every single minute of our lives?

What about if we just wander for a bit…Remember how as a teenager you used to day dream? How you felt such joy in just being alive? we can lose that in adulthood with all our responsibilities..

I think its okay to not always have a plan. Sometimes we do need to just float for a bit and be open to new experiences and see where life takes us….This is where some of the most beautiful fruits of life will  be. So lets open up to a bit more spontaneity and enjoy the rewards it brings.

Love Honor xx

Releasing the struggle

I’ve always been a highly driven person that has worked really hard. Yet, over the past few months or so that has changed a bit. I haven’t felt motivated to work like this anymore. It worried me a bit and I had some thoughts like: Perhaps I’m experiencing some sort of low grade depression or a major dose of the procrastinations….

However today I had a bit of a light bulb moment around what is actually happening  – I realized that some- where deep down I’ve decided I’m sick and tired of the struggle and that what’s actually happening is that I’ve let it go.

So lately I’ve let go of the pressure or expectations of around what things need to turn out to be. This is true for work and relationships and life in general. For example, in work – if I don’t get that job or sign that client I recognize that this opportunity wasn’t the right fit for me…and I trust that more opportunities will flow in if I stay in positive energy and do what I need to do rather than dwelling in ‘busy’ work.

Society places a lot of silent expectations on us about how things ‘should’ be and they are often so silent we don’t even realize the guilt and anguish they cause if somehow our life doesn’t ‘fit’ with these expectations.

If we can take the time to listen to what we do need on a very personal and intimate level then that is key. It might be quite different to what the world around us is telling us we ‘should’. But living life to the beat of our own drum is the key to freedom.

Love Honor

Do you avoid things that challenge your comfort zone?

“ Fortune favours the bold” – Latin Proverb

Life challenges. We all have them right? It is part of being human. However, it is so easy and tempting to run away from a challenge rather than deal with it. This is because this avoidance temporarily makes life easier.  You don’t have to have that difficult conversation with your mother in law, you don’t need to think about that stressful assignment you need to do, or that scary talk you have to perform. Yes avoiding it makes it go away. But there is a HUGE cost in the long run which is missing out on the growth and freedom that lies on the other side of that discomfort.   Women need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable some of the time.

Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we could get into a mindset where we were actively able to face fears every single day? Wouldn’t it be incredible where our life would go?  This thought really illuminates how much hiding we all do. Think about all the things we worry about:

What people will think, will they think we are………fill in the blank (crazy, stupid, desperate, dumb, weird, unrespectable etc).  We spend soooo much time letting other people control our lives with these worries but at what cost? What are we missing out on with these fears…Following our dreams and passions that’s what!! What if you just said: Who cares!!  What I want to do and achieve in my life is actually more important than what anyone thinks. What if you priortizsed what you wanted to do above all else? Your life would be unrecognisably free! Its simple in theory but not so easy in practice as we all want approval. The funny thing is if you do what you need to do for you some people will approve and some won’t. Same as if you try and please everybody. Funny how it is really a no brainer. Yes if you follow your dreams some won’t get it and think you are crazy and you may get rejected and fail at times but you will achieve so much more of what you want and this will make you a happier person.

Love Honor xx

If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

Do you believe you are not good enough in life?

Women often believe they are not good enough

This little nasty belief lies at the centre of everything – I’m not good enough. This belief creates nearly every single symptom of distress women experience.  It is as if we in the West, despite all our material luxuries , are experiencing a low self -esteem epidemic.   So many of our symptoms, unhelpful behaviours and self sabotages stem from this one simple belief.

There are so many influences and assaults on our self -concept – the parenting we experienced, the educators we are exposed to, the media, our gender role, our culture…these all send powerful and often subliminal messages to our emerging self -concept from a very early age and continue quite relentlessly well into our lives without us quite realizing the full impact on us until we wake up one day feeling like there is something missing. Or everything just turns to shit and we don’t know why, or we just keep stuffing everything up.

So how might this low self -esteem show up in day to day life? I’ll give you an example:

Misty wakes up to the sound of her alarm blaring. Her first thought is – oh I don’t want to face another day of work bleugh…She reluctantly gets up and starts what she feels is the daily ‘grind’. At work she whinges with other colleagues about how it sucks that it is Monday.  All day at work she’s clock watching for 5pm when she can get out. But once she’s out there’s not much joy either, nothing to look forward to really, just a brief interlude before she’s back at work the next day.

How many people do you know operate like this?  To me it is tragic. What about if when Misty opened her eyes, she felt excited and inspired by another new day and couldn’t wait to get started on her new projects?  Because she’d cared about herself enough to follow her passions and give them an outlet. Rather than staying in a job she hates and feeling like every day is a chore.

This is just one of many examples of how this core belief can filter down and impact our life on a practical level making it feel dull and lifeless.

The good news is, if we can change this belief within ourselves we can create massive amounts of change in our lives. Could you take one micro-action – say to stand in front of the mirror every day and say to your reflection: I am enough. And just see how your life changes…

Love Honor xx

The Confident, Calm and Connected Woman

When you enter therapy you might feel miserable, desperate and alone.  There may be a sense of failure that you have to do this. But you are in for a pleasant surprise, because although the journey through won’t be smooth sailing, the benefits you will experience will be incredible. Not only will you feel so much better about everything in your life and within yourself, you will learn so much! And this learning is something you can use to help others for the rest of your life.  You will be able to connect to others in a way that you couldn’t before because of how you have changed and what you have learned.  Instead of being stressed and anxious so much of the time, you will feel at peace with things and confident to take the steps forward and to do the things you want to do in your life.  Also if you see the process through to completion it is unlikely you will need medication such as anti-depressants or Valium.  You’ll be able to live a drug free life which is so much better for your body.

The power of a changed mind

Before I went on holiday I admit I was stressed.  Weighed down under the weight of business, chores, errands, finances, family, and work.  I think I’d lie awake most nights stressing about everything and wondering how I’d gotten to this point with all I know about psychology and self -care etc. Luckily, my holiday was like the intervention I needed.  The distance from my life situation helped me to see and decide that I didn’t want to continue living this way and then I realised that I had a choice about that.

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City girls goes back to the city…

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m a city girl born and bred.. You know the deal, grew up in Hawthorn, private school and University of Melbourne educated uber privileged lifestyle etc But all this priviledge didn’t stop me from being touched by mental health issues. Hence wanting to be a psychologist. Anyway, you’d think being a city girl I’d have no problem going to work in Collins street. That’s why I cried for half of the trip on their yesterday. After being close to home in the hills for the past 10 years to be there for my children, making this choice has been a huge mental shift for me and massively daunting, especially when I have to build the practice up from scratch. So my trip in yesterday was purely about facing this fear. And I want to be a role model for you because so many women struggle with fears around following their dreams. I want you to look at me and think, if she can do it, so can I… The world needs you to follow your dreams so you can share your gifts with the world

Honor holding book

Why are so many women perfectionists these days?

I had been craving for quite a few years to leave my privileged, fast-paced, inner city lifestyle and make a tree change to the Dandenong ranges. I liked the relaxed hippy vibe and thought it would be a good place to raise kids.  What happened when I actually made the move was that I met a group of women that changed my life forever.  Not in the, “I’ll give you a makeover so good you won’t recognise yourself” kind of way but in a much deeper spiritual way.  Sure I’d dabbled in Buddhism for a few years but these women didn’t teach me about this, they taught me what it really meant to be “feminine”.  And no, it has nothing to do with pink, frills, giggling and hair flicking or letting a man pay and all to do with understanding the beautiful strengths and qualities of the feminine nature.

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I’ve been told I’m still a perfectionist….

After all the output I’ve done around helping others with their perfectionism I have recently been to a therapist to get some help with emotional eating.  Within one session she has told me I am still a perfectionist.  So for the author of Killing the perfectionist within, someone who has helped millions of people with their own perfectionism based on my own journey of beating it, this was a bit of a kick in the guts.

To clarify:

I still push myself too hard and get tired.

I’m still struggling to get the balance right

I still feel not good enough at times

I still feel upset if I’m not the ‘perfect’ body weight.

However there is a difference….

I’m a bit more okay with these things, because I am aware of what I am doing and can intervene with these attitudes andperfectwoman behaviours before they get out of hand.

Maybe I’ll never been able to fully ‘Kill’ the perfectionist within, but i can certainly ‘manage’ it.

(Honor is a psychologist that helps women take the pressure off themselves- to book in for a free consultation click the book now button on her home page.

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