Category: Perfectionist

Releasing the struggle

I’ve always been a highly driven person that has worked really hard. Yet, over the past few months or so that has changed a bit. I haven’t felt motivated to work like this anymore. It worried me a bit and I had some thoughts like: Perhaps I’m experiencing some sort of low grade depression or a major dose of the procrastinations….

However today I had a bit of a light bulb moment around what is actually happening  – I realized that some- where deep down I’ve decided I’m sick and tired of the struggle and that what’s actually happening is that I’ve let it go.

So lately I’ve let go of the pressure or expectations of around what things need to turn out to be. This is true for work and relationships and life in general. For example, in work – if I don’t get that job or sign that client I recognize that this opportunity wasn’t the right fit for me…and I trust that more opportunities will flow in if I stay in positive energy and do what I need to do rather than dwelling in ‘busy’ work.

Society places a lot of silent expectations on us about how things ‘should’ be and they are often so silent we don’t even realize the guilt and anguish they cause if somehow our life doesn’t ‘fit’ with these expectations.

If we can take the time to listen to what we do need on a very personal and intimate level then that is key. It might be quite different to what the world around us is telling us we ‘should’. But living life to the beat of our own drum is the key to freedom.

Love Honor

Do you tend to repress your feelings, dreams and needs?

Because we are conditioned to put everyone else first, struggle to speak up for ourselves, repress our feelings and feel generally unworthy, it can be really difficult to listen to our own feelings dreams and needs. However, unless we have the courage to try new things and reach for our dreams we will always feel stuck.   We need to learn how to unlock that passionate energy that we all have so that we can feel truly alive.

Self-awareness is a vital element we need if we want to make a change in ourselves because if we are aware of the way we are then we have to power to adapt.   Self-awareness is about being tuned into what is going on within our body, mind and soul.  This may take practice if you are not used to it.  But that is okay.  To be self-aware we need to create space to reflect and tune into ourselves.  This can either be done by physically taking time out such as going to a quiet place to think, or by shifting our focus inward for a few moments in the middle of what we are normally doing.

So I want you to dig deep and ask yourself – what is that thing that really gets me feeling alive? What is the thing, or things that get me feeling really excited and perhaps a little bit intimidated? (cos you know often the thing we really want is a little bit scary to go for, excitement and fear often go hand in hand – I think it is because we really CARE about the things we are deeply passionate about). Then once you have found one or more things , can you think of one tiny action step that you can take to move towards that thing?

I help women to trace the roots of where low self- esteem developed to help them separate these events from their true worth which helps them build confidence. I also assist them in dropping their mask so they can be authentic in all situations.

Love Honor xx

P.S If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

P.P.S I hope you have found this helpful and I ‘d love to talk to you further about these things and you’re your feedback on what you thought. Please leave a comment or send me a message with constructive feedback. Alternatively if you’d like me to phone you to chat further please send me your name, phone no and email to: Honor@honornewman.com

Do you believe you are not good enough in life?

Women often believe they are not good enough

This little nasty belief lies at the centre of everything – I’m not good enough. This belief creates nearly every single symptom of distress women experience.  It is as if we in the West, despite all our material luxuries , are experiencing a low self -esteem epidemic.   So many of our symptoms, unhelpful behaviours and self sabotages stem from this one simple belief.

There are so many influences and assaults on our self -concept – the parenting we experienced, the educators we are exposed to, the media, our gender role, our culture…these all send powerful and often subliminal messages to our emerging self -concept from a very early age and continue quite relentlessly well into our lives without us quite realizing the full impact on us until we wake up one day feeling like there is something missing. Or everything just turns to shit and we don’t know why, or we just keep stuffing everything up.

So how might this low self -esteem show up in day to day life? I’ll give you an example:

Misty wakes up to the sound of her alarm blaring. Her first thought is – oh I don’t want to face another day of work bleugh…She reluctantly gets up and starts what she feels is the daily ‘grind’. At work she whinges with other colleagues about how it sucks that it is Monday.  All day at work she’s clock watching for 5pm when she can get out. But once she’s out there’s not much joy either, nothing to look forward to really, just a brief interlude before she’s back at work the next day.

How many people do you know operate like this?  To me it is tragic. What about if when Misty opened her eyes, she felt excited and inspired by another new day and couldn’t wait to get started on her new projects?  Because she’d cared about herself enough to follow her passions and give them an outlet. Rather than staying in a job she hates and feeling like every day is a chore.

This is just one of many examples of how this core belief can filter down and impact our life on a practical level making it feel dull and lifeless.

The good news is, if we can change this belief within ourselves we can create massive amounts of change in our lives. Could you take one micro-action – say to stand in front of the mirror every day and say to your reflection: I am enough. And just see how your life changes…

Love Honor xx

Perfectionism may come part and parcel with high intelligence

As you probably know I’ve been writing blogs on perfectionism for a while now. Last year my daughter who is now 8 years old was having some issues at school and perfectionism was raised as a cause for some of her meltdowns. She has to go and see the school art therapist for a while. During this time I immediately went into failure mode thinking oh I can’t even stop my daughter getting perfectionism when I’m supposed to be the expert on treating it.  I must be a poor parent/role model etc.  I felt a lot of guilt for a long time despite knowing it wasn’t helpful.  It was really difficult to let it go.

Read more

I’m not perfect at not being a perfectionist… and that is ok

I’m not perfect at not being a perfectionist…The other day whilst sipping my green tea latte I had a thoughtful moment about whether I really have ‘killed my own perfectionist within’ and I think the answer was ‘not completely’. So when I realised this I had a perfectionist moment of feeling really guilt about this. The thought pattern went something like – ‘how can I possibly be authentic and help others with their’s if I haven’t fully beaten it myself, I’m a fraud etc. And then I stopped myself – and thought, no its ok not to be perfect at not being a perfectionist.

Read more

I’ve been told I’m still a perfectionist….

After all the output I’ve done around helping others with their perfectionism I have recently been to a therapist to get some help with emotional eating.  Within one session she has told me I am still a perfectionist.  So for the author of Killing the perfectionist within, someone who has helped millions of people with their own perfectionism based on my own journey of beating it, this was a bit of a kick in the guts.

To clarify:

I still push myself too hard and get tired.

I’m still struggling to get the balance right

I still feel not good enough at times

I still feel upset if I’m not the ‘perfect’ body weight.

However there is a difference….

I’m a bit more okay with these things, because I am aware of what I am doing and can intervene with these attitudes andperfectwoman behaviours before they get out of hand.

Maybe I’ll never been able to fully ‘Kill’ the perfectionist within, but i can certainly ‘manage’ it.

(Honor is a psychologist that helps women take the pressure off themselves- to book in for a free consultation click the book now button on her home page.

Save

Do you think you’d like help with your perfectionism?

Are you a woman that puts tons of pressure on yourself to be perfect? Does this cause you anxiety? Are you often tired and burnt out?  Throughout my career to date I have seen many women struggle under the weight of extreme self -pressure and I was one of these women also.  Hi I’m Honor and I’m a psychologist that aims to help women stop being perfectionists and start living more balanced and fulfilling lives.

Read more

Are you following your own path, or doing what you ‘should’ do?

I have written about this before but I feel it is such an important topic I want to write about it again. The gap between …

‘Life is (often) what happens when you are making other plans’ What life is vs what we expect

Has your life turned out exactly as you expected or close to? If yes, are you happy with that? Or has life thrown you curve …

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu …