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I had a dream last night I want to tell you about…

I had a dream last night I want to tell you about.

You see I’ve found this personal development course that i really, desperately want to do next year.

But it costs a lot for me.

I know its what I need and will help me move forward in life.

But I’m struggling to make the commitment and to put myself as a priority over all those bills I have..

but i’m going to find the money, I’m going to find a way

the dream was that i was going to miss out on a spot int his course and i scrambled through all my piles of money and scraped it together just. in. time.

It was terrifying to hand over all that money.

but even more scary was staying stuck where I am for an indefinite amount of time.

That would suck.

So i will trust that i;m in and everything will be ok.

because i need this.

I wanted to share this because as women we can really struggle to make our needs a priority. Even when we hear the siren call. And our heart strings yearning out for something on our journey.

This course is about taking my self esteem to the next level. The one thing holing me back.

I created this space because i wanted women to have a private space to share anything. Its important to have space away from the opposite sex. Just as they need time away from us.

Anyway – what finally made me say YES to this commitment to myself?

Its because I view my personal and spiritual needs as just as important as food shelter air and water.

Rather be homeless and happy than suicidal in a mansion.

Hopefully not that extreme but you get what I mean…

So – I’m gonna Do this!!!!

Even though its terrifying, its an investment in me and my well being. Say yes felt like falling anxiously into the unknown the question in my mind being – will i fail or soar?

but i owe it to myself to try and make things better for me. I’m worth it.

Ive been through too much to let myself down by saying no.

It will help me to be more successful and happier but i have to be willing to take the risk – that leap of faith.

I’m excited.

the more i heal the more life just gets better and better.

What about you?

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Would you like to improve your financial situation?

Many of us struggle with money. It  helps to realise it’s a relationship.  You can talk to money, write it a letter.  Say how you feel about it, repair your relationship with it.

 

Dear Money,

I’ve been feeling a bit abandoned by you lately.

Have I blocked you?

Have I given you mixed messages? I so, I’m sorry.

I’ve had some issues.

I’m working on myself so we can have a better relationship.

Because it would be great to have consistency together, and to support each other to soar to greater and greater heights.

I see you love me and want to support me.

I get scare when you are not around sometimes.

I need to understand you don’t abandon me, its just that sometimes I block you.

Because in interpret the times you flow back as abandonment and I feel hurt and rejected.

I need to understand that you are always there, even if you move back for these short periods.

I need to trust this, its flow like the tide, forward and backward, not abandonment.

You never really leave.

Thank you for everything you ever provided me.

I trust you will always be there I just need to allow you in fully.

It can feel really scary.

So I’ll wait and trust and be happy and enjoy you coming to me and receive you with love an gratitude.

Thank you,

Are you following your own path, or doing what you ‘should’ do?

I have written about this before but I feel it is such an important topic I want to write about it again. The gap between doing what society expects us to do versus what is right for us to do with our lives.  Think about where you sit for a minute…toeing the socially acceptable line can be unconscious for many years until something is not working any more – it could be experienced as a dull ache of unfufillment or boredom or a more severe depression.  It can take a while to unravel where we have stepped off our own path and onto a proscribed one.  I believe one of the problems is being taught to listen more to our head than our hearts and emotions when making choices. Also it takes courage to stand up and say -this is what I want when all around you think its nuts. However this is the nature of dreams –they are really personal and unique and a lot of the times other people just won’t ‘get’ it. The wise and caring ones will listen and try to understand and the others will shake their heads and judge.  This is another reason we hold ourselves back – the pain of being judged. Yes it hurts. It can hurt a lot. But should we let this hold us back from pursuing our deepest dreams and desires?  WE need to believe we are important enough to prioritize our own happiness regardless of what others think. Yes it can be lonely at times but I believe its ok to be lonely at times.  It is just another part of being in the rich tapestry of life. I always believe its good to start small also – whats one thing you’ve always wanted to do but have been too afraid? Can you take one tiny step towards this? It will feel terrifying and exhilarating and you’ll feel truly alive.

‘Life is (often) what happens when you are making other plans’ What life is vs what we expect

Has your life turned out exactly as you expected or close to? If yes, are you happy with that?

Or has life thrown you curve balls you never saw coming? Some of which were good some not so good?

Have you been given advice and gone against your better judgement only to regret it later?

Ever fall in love? Were you planning it? Or did it hit you out of nowhere when you least expected it?

Buddhism teaches us that expectations can be dangerous because they set us up for disappointment.  The Dharma teachings include the practicing the art of keeping an open mind, expecting nothing and embracing what-ever life offers as a lesson. I love this.

As we move deeper into adulthood we can get very set in our idea of the way life ‘should’ be.  This is a result of years and years of cultural conditioning from various spheres of influence and can be very deep. However, it can be damaging to never attempt to question these ideas and ‘shoulds’ as holding onto rigid beliefs can really limit our growth, cause us to lose our spontaneity, openness to experience and zest for life. It can also cause us to project these limitations onto those around us.

For these reasons time in quiet solitude can be a magical thing. This helps us to hear our own truth in silence and gives us a break from listening to the influences of everyone around us. Because people are generally well meaning but love to have an opinion, sometimes strongly about how things should go and although this may be valid and logical it may very well not be right for you.

So I encourage you to make space to really listen to your own thoughts and emotions in quiet. Sometimes these can be quite scary and hard to sit with but if we remind ourselves they are just thoughts and emotions and we don’t have to act on them this can make them easier to embrace xx

I hope you can have the courage to listen and follow your own truth in life.

Love Honor xx

 

 

 

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu massage. I stepped out of this experience all calm, peaceful and ‘floaty’ into the middle of little Bourke Street.  I then instantly came face to face with all these people with serious looks on their faces striding around really purposefully.  They were going to the opposite way to me, I had no idea where I was heading in that moment and was totally okay with that.

Lets extend this metaphor to life.  How many of us fill up our days with busy work and things that seem important? How many of us just get way too serious? Or way too weighed down with things? What do we do to make ourselves lighter? How do we help ourselves laugh?  Do we really need to be accountable for every single minute of our lives?

What about if we just wander for a bit…Remember how as a teenager you used to day dream? How you felt such joy in just being alive? we can lose that in adulthood with all our responsibilities..

I think its okay to not always have a plan. Sometimes we do need to just float for a bit and be open to new experiences and see where life takes us….This is where some of the most beautiful fruits of life will  be. So lets open up to a bit more spontaneity and enjoy the rewards it brings.

Love Honor xx

Releasing the struggle

I’ve always been a highly driven person that has worked really hard. Yet, over the past few months or so that has changed a bit. I haven’t felt motivated to work like this anymore. It worried me a bit and I had some thoughts like: Perhaps I’m experiencing some sort of low grade depression or a major dose of the procrastinations….

However today I had a bit of a light bulb moment around what is actually happening  – I realized that some- where deep down I’ve decided I’m sick and tired of the struggle and that what’s actually happening is that I’ve let it go.

So lately I’ve let go of the pressure or expectations of around what things need to turn out to be. This is true for work and relationships and life in general. For example, in work – if I don’t get that job or sign that client I recognize that this opportunity wasn’t the right fit for me…and I trust that more opportunities will flow in if I stay in positive energy and do what I need to do rather than dwelling in ‘busy’ work.

Society places a lot of silent expectations on us about how things ‘should’ be and they are often so silent we don’t even realize the guilt and anguish they cause if somehow our life doesn’t ‘fit’ with these expectations.

If we can take the time to listen to what we do need on a very personal and intimate level then that is key. It might be quite different to what the world around us is telling us we ‘should’. But living life to the beat of our own drum is the key to freedom.

Love Honor

Do you put your own needs after every one elses?

Have you ever heard of the burnt chop syndrome? It’s based on the  on the metaphor that if there are three good pieces of meat and one burnt one the person with the burnt chop syndrome will give the others the best bits of meat and keep the burnt one for herself every time. This is a metaphor for how many women operate in all areas of their lives. In other words, they often make themselves the lowest priority the majority of the time. Reality check! We are now grown women and if we don’t look after ourselves no one else will. Our health and happiness will suffer. We have physical emotional and spiritual needs that must be met. We must build a friendship with ourselves ad attempt to fulfill our needs so we can have fulfilled lives.

Women will often make themselves the lowest priority the majority of the time. This is recipe (no pun intended) for burn-out.  This was definitely the case for me.

After about 10 years of saying yes to every single thing that people asked me to do my health really started to fail.  I became chronically tired and even struggled for energy on my wedding day.

I knew I had to do something different or I was going to develop permanent chronic fatigue syndrome. So I went on health kick and basically became a health food shop junkie – trying out every health food on the market. I decided to become vegan also.

Improving my diet made a huge difference but it wasn’t quite enough on its own to fully restore my health.  I also needed to change mentally.

As I said when I was really struggling in life I’d always put everyone else’s needs before my own. If someone asked me to do something for them, I would automatically make this top priority on my list, even if my own health and well-being needed attention. This was due to insecurity and a desperate to be liked by everyone.

However, this was a deadly habit that really contributed to the level of burnout I found myself at. The reason I found it hard to say no was because I could not stand the guilt I’d feel at the disappointment of others. But,

I needed to learn to care for my own health and needs before I helped others.  I needed to realise that disappointment is a normal part of life and we all need to let people down at certain times.

When I finally started saying no to things and started staying home from some events when I was particularly tired and saw what a difference it made to my health, I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

My energy crisis made me realize I had to change how I lived.  I knew I had to learn to speak up when I felt my rights had been disrespected or I’d simmer away with resentment and that affected both my health and happiness.  I knew I had to learn to say no more and I knew I had to look after me better. So I did and that is when everything started to improve.

So what about you? Do you have some lifestyle habits that aren’t serving you? Are you ready to change them?

If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

 

 

Do you avoid things that challenge your comfort zone?

“ Fortune favours the bold” – Latin Proverb

Life challenges. We all have them right? It is part of being human. However, it is so easy and tempting to run away from a challenge rather than deal with it. This is because this avoidance temporarily makes life easier.  You don’t have to have that difficult conversation with your mother in law, you don’t need to think about that stressful assignment you need to do, or that scary talk you have to perform. Yes avoiding it makes it go away. But there is a HUGE cost in the long run which is missing out on the growth and freedom that lies on the other side of that discomfort.   Women need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable some of the time.

Wouldn’t it be brilliant if we could get into a mindset where we were actively able to face fears every single day? Wouldn’t it be incredible where our life would go?  This thought really illuminates how much hiding we all do. Think about all the things we worry about:

What people will think, will they think we are………fill in the blank (crazy, stupid, desperate, dumb, weird, unrespectable etc).  We spend soooo much time letting other people control our lives with these worries but at what cost? What are we missing out on with these fears…Following our dreams and passions that’s what!! What if you just said: Who cares!!  What I want to do and achieve in my life is actually more important than what anyone thinks. What if you priortizsed what you wanted to do above all else? Your life would be unrecognisably free! Its simple in theory but not so easy in practice as we all want approval. The funny thing is if you do what you need to do for you some people will approve and some won’t. Same as if you try and please everybody. Funny how it is really a no brainer. Yes if you follow your dreams some won’t get it and think you are crazy and you may get rejected and fail at times but you will achieve so much more of what you want and this will make you a happier person.

Love Honor xx

If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

Do you tend to repress your feelings, dreams and needs?

Because we are conditioned to put everyone else first, struggle to speak up for ourselves, repress our feelings and feel generally unworthy, it can be really difficult to listen to our own feelings dreams and needs. However, unless we have the courage to try new things and reach for our dreams we will always feel stuck.   We need to learn how to unlock that passionate energy that we all have so that we can feel truly alive.

Self-awareness is a vital element we need if we want to make a change in ourselves because if we are aware of the way we are then we have to power to adapt.   Self-awareness is about being tuned into what is going on within our body, mind and soul.  This may take practice if you are not used to it.  But that is okay.  To be self-aware we need to create space to reflect and tune into ourselves.  This can either be done by physically taking time out such as going to a quiet place to think, or by shifting our focus inward for a few moments in the middle of what we are normally doing.

So I want you to dig deep and ask yourself – what is that thing that really gets me feeling alive? What is the thing, or things that get me feeling really excited and perhaps a little bit intimidated? (cos you know often the thing we really want is a little bit scary to go for, excitement and fear often go hand in hand – I think it is because we really CARE about the things we are deeply passionate about). Then once you have found one or more things , can you think of one tiny action step that you can take to move towards that thing?

I help women to trace the roots of where low self- esteem developed to help them separate these events from their true worth which helps them build confidence. I also assist them in dropping their mask so they can be authentic in all situations.

Love Honor xx

P.S If you like this article please share it and stayed tuned for the rest of the article and vids in the series. For ones you may have missed please visit honornewman.com/blog.

P.P.S I hope you have found this helpful and I ‘d love to talk to you further about these things and you’re your feedback on what you thought. Please leave a comment or send me a message with constructive feedback. Alternatively if you’d like me to phone you to chat further please send me your name, phone no and email to: Honor@honornewman.com

Honor Talks to radio host Toni Lontis about perfectionism and well-being

https://www.iheart.com/podcast/209-radio-toni-31175298/

I had a dream last night I want to tell you about…

I had a dream last night I want to tell you about. You see I’ve found this personal development course that i really, …

Would you like to improve your financial situation?

Many of us struggle with money. It  helps to realise it’s a relationship.  You can talk to money, write it a letter.  …