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The top 6 obstacles that keep women stuck in a rut

Did you know that there are a few really common mistakes women make in terms of thinking and behaviours that really keep them stuck and get in the way of their happiness in life? As a psychologist that works predominantly with women I see the same issues arising again and again. So here I am going to tell you the top 6 mistakes women make with regards to their psychology.

#Obstacle 1: Women often repress their voice and bottle up distress

I’ve written a lot about assertiveness and this is because it is such a big issue in our culture especially for women. There are so few of us that seem to be able to be effectively assertive in our relationships and this creates a lot of problems. Assertiveness is about being able to set boundaries, say no and talk through conflict in a healthy way. I hear a lot about from women about how they are struggling to speak up for themselves in life especially with a difficult person or bully, often a family member that cannot be dealt with through pure avoidance.

Being assertive will improve your inner strength and self-confidence (and health) because you make a conscious choice about how you are going to respond to a person or situation, either verbally or through actions, rather than being at the mercy of your own annoyance.

#Obstacle 2:Women often put their own needs after everyone else’s

Have you ever heard of the burnt chop syndrome? It’s based on the  on the metaphor that if there are three good pieces of meat and one burnt one the person with the burnt chop syndrome will give the others the best bits of meat and keep the burnt one for herself every time. This is a metaphor for how many women operate in all areas of their lives. In other words, they often make themselves the lowest priority the majority of the time. Reality check! We are now grown women and if we don’t look after ourselves no one else will. Our health and happiness will suffer. We have physical emotional and spiritual needs that must be met. We must build a friendship with ourselves ad attempt to fulfil our needs so we can have fulfilled lives.

#Obstacle 3:Women often believe they are not good enough

This little nasty belief lies at the centre of everything – I’m not good enough. This belief creates nearly every single symptom of distress women experience. The good news is , if we can change this belief within ourselves we can create massive amounts of change in our lives.

#Obstacle 4:Women often avoid things that challenge their comfort zone

Life challenges. We all have them right? It is part of being human. However, it is so easy and tempting to run away from a challenge rather than deal with it. This is because this avoidance temporarily makes life easier.  You don’t have to have that difficult conversation with your mother in law, you don’t need to think about that stressful assignment you need to do, or that scary talk you have to perform. Yes avoiding it makes it go away. But there is a HUGE cost in the long run which is missing out on the growth and freedom that lies on the other side of that discomfort.   Women need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable some of the time.

#Obstacle 5:Women often wear a mask that all is well when things are really not

For fear of being judged by others women often put on a mask that says to the world that everything  is going brilliantly when inside they are suffering and sometimes to a series degree. They are afraid that when people see who they truly are they will reject or abandon them. This is a true tragedy as a woman’s biggest strength is her vulnerability. This is how she connects on a deep emotional level with others and where true intimacy can occur.

#Obstacle 6: Women often repress their feelings, dreams and needs

Because we are conditioned to put everyone else first, struggle to speak up for ourselves, repress our feelings and feel generally unworthy, it can be really difficult to listen to our own feelings dreams and needs. However, unless we have the courage to try new things and reach for our dreams we will always feel stuck.   We need to learn how to unlock that passionate energy that we all have so that we can feel truly alive.

Self-awareness is a vital element we need if we want to make a change in ourselves because if we are aware of the way we are then we have to power to adapt.   Self-awareness is about being tuned into what is going on within our body, mind and soul.  This may take practice if you are not used to it.  But that is ok.  To be self-aware we need to create space to reflect and tune into ourselves.  This can either be done by physically taking time out such as going to a quiet place to think, or by shifting our focus inward for a few moments in the middle of what we are normally doing.

I help women to trace the roots of where low self- esteem developed to help them separate these events from their true worth which helps them build confidence. I also assist them in dropping their mask so they can be authentic in all situations.

 

I hope you have found this helpful and I ‘d love to talk to you further about these things. Feel free to phone or email me, Honor:  PH 0433 374 031. E:Honor@honornewman.com,

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