Month: November 2016

Honor holding book

Why are so many women perfectionists these days?

I had been craving for quite a few years to leave my privileged, fast-paced, inner city lifestyle and make a tree change to the Dandenong ranges. I liked the relaxed hippy vibe and thought it would be a good place to raise kids.  What happened when I actually made the move was that I met a group of women that changed my life forever.  Not in the, “I’ll give you a makeover so good you won’t recognise yourself” kind of way but in a much deeper spiritual way.  Sure I’d dabbled in Buddhism for a few years but these women didn’t teach me about this, they taught me what it really meant to be “feminine”.  And no, it has nothing to do with pink, frills, giggling and hair flicking or letting a man pay and all to do with understanding the beautiful strengths and qualities of the feminine nature.

Read more

I’m not perfect at not being a perfectionist… and that is ok

I’m not perfect at not being a perfectionist…The other day whilst sipping my green tea latte I had a thoughtful moment about whether I really have ‘killed my own perfectionist within’ and I think the answer was ‘not completely’. So when I realised this I had a perfectionist moment of feeling really guilt about this. The thought pattern went something like – ‘how can I possibly be authentic and help others with their’s if I haven’t fully beaten it myself, I’m a fraud etc. And then I stopped myself – and thought, no its ok not to be perfect at not being a perfectionist.

Read more

I’ve been told I’m still a perfectionist….

After all the output I’ve done around helping others with their perfectionism I have recently been to a therapist to get some help with emotional eating.  Within one session she has told me I am still a perfectionist.  So for the author of Killing the perfectionist within, someone who has helped millions of people with their own perfectionism based on my own journey of beating it, this was a bit of a kick in the guts.

To clarify:

I still push myself too hard and get tired.

I’m still struggling to get the balance right

I still feel not good enough at times

I still feel upset if I’m not the ‘perfect’ body weight.

However there is a difference….

I’m a bit more okay with these things, because I am aware of what I am doing and can intervene with these attitudes andperfectwoman behaviours before they get out of hand.

Maybe I’ll never been able to fully ‘Kill’ the perfectionist within, but i can certainly ‘manage’ it.

(Honor is a psychologist that helps women take the pressure off themselves- to book in for a free consultation click the book now button on her home page.

Save

Excerpt: The yes/no monster

“Would you like to go to the movies with me?”

Sandra bit her lip; she was NOT attracted to him in any way and was fairly sure this invitation was a ‘date’.

“Um yeah…….ok………..sure”, she responded.

“Great! I’ll pick you up at 7 o’clock this Saturday night”

Sandra felt a lump forming in her stomach. Actually make those two lumps, one in her throat and one in her stomach. She really did NOT want to go on this date. Her whole body was screaming at her to get out of it. Yet she had said yes, for fear of offending him or making him feel rejected. She wanted to save his feelings. Somewhere along the line they had become more important than hers…

 

In the 2008 movie ‘The Yes Man’ the main character Carl (Jim Carrey) is a person who, to the frustration of his friends and colleagues, says’ no’ to absolutely everything – dinner invitations, social events, people applying for loans at his work etc. Saying no all the time makes his life safe and comfortable, yet empty, lonely and dull. He spends every Saturday night at the video shop and rents movies to watch alone in his apartment whilst ignoring calls from his best friend to come out and socialise. It is implied that his compulsive nay saying has something to do with a depression he is in after a marriage breakup. However, one day he bumps into an old acquaintance who gives him a flyer to a ‘say yes to life’ seminar which he goes to. This seminar is of a self- help cult like bent and the speaker intimidates Carl into agreeing to say yes to absolutely every opportunity or else.

Read more

Are you following your own path, or doing what you ‘should’ do?

I have written about this before but I feel it is such an important topic I want to write about it again. The gap between …

‘Life is (often) what happens when you are making other plans’ What life is vs what we expect

Has your life turned out exactly as you expected or close to? If yes, are you happy with that? Or has life thrown you curve …

Its okay to not always know where you are going…

Recently my brother gave me a birthday voucher to go and lie in one of those flotation tanks for an hour then have a shiatsu …